The results are in!

Our miracle of that little vertical line. .. 3 years in the making!

Tick tock....Tick tock...

Okay, I was doing pretty good for the first couple days, but the slow ticking of time is probably going to drive me crazy. Now I understand FULLY why the 2ww (that's ivf forum slang for two-week-wait) is so dreaded! No signs yet like implantation cramps and spotting - which aren't necessary but would sure help give me peace of mind...

Will it work?  Am I pregnant? What if I'm not pregnant?  Did I laugh too much the other day? Am I taking all the medicines right? Am I in the 47% success or not! (Sometimes that number seems big, sometimes small) What if I don't keep my feet warm all the time? Will eating walnuts really help? Oy!

I have been continuously trying to train my brain to relinquish these incessant thoughts. In fact, "relinquish" is my magic word!  Whenever I find myself starting to obsess or stress out I think that word, signifying that I am relinquishing my "control"  (which is imaginary anyhow) and those thoughts to God. So far He has been faithful, and is returning peace! Sometimes I say that word 10 times a minute, and every now and then I can go a whole hour! :0)

Tomorrow I head back to work full-time for the week. (I haven't had a full week of work in almost a month!) I know it'll help because I keep dreaming about the little "hoodlums" (a term of endearment) I shall return to and all the issues I will have to deal with. Of course, it's also dangerous considering the amount of stress that will assuredly accompany it all. (Let's just say they weren't the perfect little angels they should have been while I was gone....)

I have a feeling my "magic" word and continually turning over my thoughts and stress to the Lord will be a constant in my life this week.

THE big day!

Today was a day years in the making. I'd been keeping myself pretty busy the last couple of weeks (a coping skill that I've mastered in the trials of infertility), and found myself facing the transfer head on. For the first time the strong, positive attitude that I've carried through most of this process began to crack. As the hubby drove us (my mom was able to come - so glad!) I started to have a mini panic attack as the weight of the day began to overwhelm me. 

"It might not work."  I just had to face that fact and say it out loud. My mind can hardly comprehend the process failing for us, so I'd pushed that thought aside with a vengeance. Somehow, it was a release to just acknowledge it and then move on. The prayers and words of encouragement from my mom and a few girlfriends in that moment were a blessing.

In fact, I'm so overcome with the amazing people in my life - family, friends, colleagues, and even people who I don't know who've been wonderful cheerleaders for Stephen and I! I love and appreciate all of you! I am so grateful not to have walked through it alone. You rock. 

All in all, I've gotten to a better place mentally and emotionally. (I did almost crack a little again when the embryologist brought us the pictures of our developing embryos. In fact I'm tearing up now again just thinking about it. It was so incredibly overwhelming, in a good way, to see the reality of our possible babies right there!) I am confident that God is, has always been, and will always be in control and I trust in His plan for my life. 

Now on to the good stuff!

 Here's my studly husband as we wait in the "minor procedure room" for our embryologist:

He even humored me by sitting on the bed with his feet in the stirrups for a picture so he could support me in knowing what it felt like - LOL. When the embryologist came in he brought us pictures of our embryos, which was one thing that I had been eagerly waiting for. Here are pics of the two blastocyst-level ones that were implanted. (How rad is that?!)

 The whole procedure didn't take very much time. We got to see the little things floating around back in the lab as they prepared to suck them in to the catheter. Then we got to see the rest of the procedure through an ultrasound - I laughed when I saw them fly out of the catheter like a little bullet. Here's a decent pic - that what spot that the little arrow is pointing to is the embryos hopefully settling in and feeling like they're home!

 After laying down for 30 minutes, we headed back home and I promptly went upstairs to settle into my cozy bed. (I had prepped it this morning with all sorts of things to keep me occupied.) My mom brought me some yummy lunch.

And now the wait begins!  I've been reassured several times that I can't do anything to cause them to "fall out", and can resume most of normal activities within a short time. Fortunately I've got subs lined up for the rest of the week, and then I think going back to work on Monday will help me as we try to be patient for the pregnancy test.  That is scheduled on October 15th at 7:30 in the morning. Oy!

My plans for the next two days:  get caught up on card writing, watch lots of netflix, finish my John Grisham novel and start my bookclub book, find new games for my iphone and master them, start the Grace Church women's study on the Holy Spirit, ready my new Martha Stewart Living magazine, find good recipes in my Cooking Light, eat, sleep, and visit with girlfriends who come by. (NO grading or lesson planning allowed!)

Thank you again for the thoughts, support, encouragement, and prayers!

All right little embryos - make yourself at home!

Quick update

Transfer day will be Wednesday!

We have 6!

Just heard from the embryologist. Out of our 12 eggs, 8 were mature and got "ICSI" (met up with sperm to be fertilized.) Out of those 8, 6 of them have shown signs of normal fertilization. By tomorrow they shoudl be 2-4 cells.  (They are going to keep an eye on the remaining two just in case.) Now the waiting game begins again to hear back around noon - and then we will be told if we'll be going in for a day 3 transfer (Monday) or day 5 transfer (Wednesday). That will be followed by 48 hours of bed rest, and lots of nerves!

My body isn't quite sure what to do with me concerning all the meds and stuff. Here's a pic of all of our empty Bravelle and Menopur bottles:

No wonder I was feeling cruddy! :0)

Yesterday was a good day! Mom came by at 7am to head out to the surgery center:

 We arrived just before 8am. Here's a pic of the building that houses the San Diego Fertility Center, and the accompanying Surgery Center:

 (No, I didn't get plastic surgery!):0)

This was the best surgery prep ever! They had those super fancy massage chairs, so I enjoyed a nice long "Swedish" massage while they prepped me. I also got nice warm blankets, and heated bottles for my abdomen. The nurse, Michelle, was awesome!

I hated being "put out" for the surgery, but as soon as my eyes were closing I was waking back up. I told the nurses that I had been lesson planning! LOL. I do NOT do well with general anesthesia, and it took me longer to come to than I'd have preferred. (And my stomach was not agreeable - will leave it at that!) After an hour or so they wheeled me out to the car and I got to go home to my bed, yay!

Mom brought us a sandwhich for lunch, and I slept for several good hours. Our awesome pals Jason and Sara brought by dinner, and I was with it enough for a couple of games of euchre and hearts before crashing again and sleeping the night away. Today's all about continued rest and getting grades done for progress reports. :0P

Ok

Stephen here for jen. Surgery went good. Jen is sleeping for now. More later. Thanks for prayers.

BIG day #1

In about 15 minutes I am off to the surgery center!

Today will be egg retrieval day. Pre-op is 8am, and surgery at 9am. I'll be knocked completely out for the whole thing, which does have me a little on edge. (Not being in control is hard for a control freak!)

At my last ultrasound on Wednesday, there was a count of about 16 or so follicles, with about 11 that were big enough to probably have a mature egg. They'll go ahead and aspirate everyone they find, so they all get a chance. The embryologist will call us every day, starting tomorrow, with an update on how they are developing etc.

Well, it's a day of rest ahead for me! So excited!