My teeth break apart and fall out...

My teeth break apart and fall out...

...in one of my recurring dreams. Seriously - it's one of two types of dreams that I've consistently had throughout my life. (The other being driving a car and not being able to control it. Usually speeding around some curve and toppling off the edge of a cliff or something with no brakes.) When I wake up from this dream, with a sigh of relief after a quick mouth check, I know that I am subconsciously stressed and feel like my life is out of control.

I have not actually had this dream this week; however I mentioned it to my dentist this morning as we discussed the two broken/cracked teeth that led her to determine I would now need to have a custom-fitted mouth guard. Ugh...  as an awkward-adolescent-braces survivor whose two years of "metal mouth" included headgear and were followed by a retainer (purple with confetti colored), I am no stranger to mouth contraptions. Ditching my retainer in college was a load off my shoulders after the stress of making sure to wear it every day and not throw it away (again) in the trashcan at Taco Bell.

Apparently I have been grinding my teeth. My dentist asked me if I had ever had that problem before. "No," I replied, and then quickly added "But I've also never had two under two."

Two under two... I will only officially hold this title for about another month. Nathan will turn two on June 27. However, I doubt that this magic day will not change the new normal of our lives.

On Sunday my phone was out of its case for a rare time that coincided with the car being emptied of all the cra-- er, stuff, that accumulated in a single outing to Costco and the street fair. It somehow jumped out of the front seat and proceeded to shatter on the floor of the garage. When I was in college I accidentally dropped my flip phone from the balcony of the second story of a building at church and it was perfectly fine Phones these days... Arg! Silly, expensive thing couldn't handle a two foot drop.

On the bright side, I got a good excuse to ditch my android and run back to the iphone. (It was so good to hear Siri's voice. I will never leave her again!) My new case is shipping from Amazon, so until then my phone is in the slightly-too-big recent case reinforced in a piece of bubble wrap. No joke - can't take any chances!

Today Nathan took a short nap and woke up whining and/or loosing it at everything. Mama couldn't do a darn thing right! Then Zach decided to get pissy. So I decided that we needed to get out of the house and got us loaded into the car and off to the farmer's market. This went okay; and luckily Daddy arrived in time to pick up and take Nathan just as he was loosing it again.

I thought I would have a nice little break stollin' around with a sleeping Zach while my cousin and I enjoyed a nice chat and looked over organic produce. I remembered just then that it was time for the little dude's bottle. When I ran to the car to grab it I discovered that this awesome Mom left her perfectly-packed diaper bag sitting on the kitchen table! Here I was, rapidly approaching the hungry-infant danger zone with no way to feed him. (Point breastfeeders.) I called Stephen in a panic and he headed to raid my mom's house where we had extra kid supplies.

As predicted, Zach awoke and slowly built into a screaming hungry fit. I don't know exactly how traffic lights are controlled but today I pictured some evil little dude hanging out in a room full of monitors watching for the most-stressed drivers he could find to manipulate the red lights against their favor. He must have giggled in glee over seeing the stressed-out mama in the CX9. Shouldn't main streets have fewer red light stops to keep traffic flowing?! I mean, come on!

I attempted to pacify myself by thinking logically. Zach will not remember the time Mama forgot the bottle at home and made him wait to eat as she drove across town, right? The pitiful cries tore at my heart, but I knew that he would be fed and happy and well taken care of, and grow up in a loving home where he would always be provided for. There was nothing I could do at the moment, except get to the restaurant (where we were meeting some peeps for dinner) safely in one piece. I do believe, though, that parents are hard-wired physiologically to stress when their babies cry... (Otherwise we might be tempted to ignore it and go back to sleep.)

Zach was calm in my arms by the time I got him out and walked to the table where our pals were sipping margaritas. (If I drank alcohol I'd totally be downing a big glass of wine as I typed this.) Of course, this almost made me feel worse - as though he'd just gotten so hungry and exhausted from crying that he'd given up on me. Stephen eventually showed, with Nathan and a bag of diapers in tow.

 He took the baby and I pulled Nathan on to my lap so that I could get him some (late!) dinner. When he refused a chip and leaned against my chest I stopped to feel his forehead. Yep - hot. Poor little guy (who hadn't had much of an appetite and been whining and emotional all afternoon... Sheesh mom, take a hint!) had a whopper of a fever. I spent 20 minutes or so flagging down an overwhelmed teenager waiter and shoveling a couple tacos down, while my oldest little man sat complacently in my lap cuddled against me. I ended up leaving to get him home and put to bed.

You know, I'd actually wondered sometime over the past couple of days about how I'd react when, inevitably, one of my kids would get the stomach flu. I've always had a sensitive gag reflex and can't handle non-blood bodily fluids. When someone in my vicinity hurls it's fairly certain that I shall also.

Well, I found out tonight that mommy-mode certainly does kick in! It's like a latent super power or something, I think. One minute I was upstairs searching for the missing piece of the boogie sucker, and then I'm startled by Stephen frantically shouting for me to get down there. I hesitated for only a second when I beheld the frozen toddler who had experienced his first puking episode, (which would totally freak me out too if I'd never gone through that before). But when his little face got scared and he started to cry I immediately charged across the room and swooped him into my arms. I was able to distract myself from the mess that was surely getting on my clothes by talking to him and comforting him on the way to the bathtub.

"I love my life".  This is the phrase that Stephen will repeat to himself when days just get overwhelmed with the tough stuff, or just with one thing after another. I am certain that as I was upstairs bathing the puker he was muttering it while attacking the armchair Nathan had been residing in with paper towels and disinfectant. These words are not meant to be totally sarcastic. More of a reminder that the tough stuff happens because we have been totally blessed to be parents. The craziness is a necessary part of what we signed on for - and our lives are more wonderful than we even imagined they could be. When I hear him say this I know that, yes, he is stressed out; but he's got a good perspective and we are going to make it through the day.

Well, the puke clothes (mine included) are in the wash, the chair has been scrubbed, and both boys are sleeping soundly. I am at peace knowing that whether or not the worst is over, Nathan was thankfully back to his normal self once he'd gotten some new jammies on and munched on a small bowl of Pirate's booty. Daddy was thrilled when he asked him "Guess what?" and he proudly responded "Monkey butt". (Oh yes, Daddy humor. He's been working on that with him for days now.)

Time to be done with today, snuggle in bed, and find something good to watch (or more likely fall asleep to quickly) on Netflix. I've been reminded now how important it is to pay attention to my mental health and focus on de-stressing actions/techniques. Lavendar bubble bath when I find the time, lighting the Stress-relief candle scented with eucalyptus and mint, controlled breathing exercises, prayer ('cause that's how I roll), and focusing on the "big" stuff that's really important.

I've learned that it's also vital that we moms stay connected with each other! We are not alone, and there really is "nothing new under the sun". How good it was to my heart to be at a table with a few girlfriends (and most of their kiddos) tonight. They bore witness to the craziness, laughed at it with me, and supported us the best they could. (Who knew the simple act of grabbing a tortilla and some beans and wrapping it up for a starving mama could have such a therapeutic effect?) As I lie down to sleep, hopefully without further incident through the night, I am comforted knowing that I can turn to the Lord for strength when I am running on empty; and that I am surrounded by beautiful and courageous women who are in the craziness too.


Apparently, I now grind my teeth. Guess I have a little stress in my life? LOL...