My husband, My hero - PART I

This thought has been on my mind a lot lately. This is the man who has been determined to run himself ragged taking on the kiddo's responsibilities that I can attempt to recuperate; and who picks up the shattered pieces of my heart when I work through heartache and confusion over the crazy stuff that has happened in the last couple weeks. There are so many examples that fit the title - but here's a start:


In the frightening and confusing blur of the first day we found ourselves down at Children's Hospital, there are many moments that I love about how the hubby responded and handled things, but the most note-worthy was the horrible ordeal of getting the first IV in our tiny, 9-day old baby boy. For more than an hour different doctors and nurses tried to find a vein that would work and hold the little catheter. Poor little Nathan had no idea what was going on and was constantly crying and screaming. My husband, although his own heart was broken, stood strong and stayed by our son's side the entire time; making "shoosing" noises in his ear to help try and calm him down. The whole memory still chokes me up and brings tears to my eyes....


My third night on the latest hospital stay, I had tentatively recovered from a total meltdown and was determined to get a much needed good (as possible in a hospital) night's sleep. Unfortunately the lights from my IV stand thingee were so bright they lit up the whole room. (Seriously, who designed those darn things?!) The husband sprang to my rescue and dug out some white tape from my dressing supplies; then proceeded to tear off little pieces and place them over the most-offending evil green light. When the white tape didn't dim the light enough, he switched to a thicker stretch tape that tapered the brightness considerably. My black pumping bra covered the display to complete the job.



After my appendectomy, I was left with a tube and abdominal drain that looked like a squeezable bulb. The concept was that the bulb created a suction that would pull out fluid. It would need to be emptied a couple of times a day or so into a cup and measured. My nurses took care of that lovely duty for the first couple of days, and then I was taught the procedure so that I would be confident and comfortable doing it once I was discharged. I was sure that the hubby wouldn't want to be within 10 feet of that liquid, and I can admit that even I was a bit squeamish at first! But he braved being handed the little cup and rinsing it out in my hospital sink. At home he was faithful to make sure that I was emptying and recording my levels every day. By the second week he'd stand by in our bathroom and even started making jokes that it looked like apple juice! Bleh! (Thanks for that one hubby!) LOL



I woke up from surgery to find my body much altered with a ton of pain to boot! The worst of it was the "side-stitch-from-hell" in my upper right chest. This excruciating pain made it difficult to even take a full breath. My nurses and doctors encouraged me to take walks as much as possible to help my body recover and get through any air bubbles, etc., faster. I will never forget watching my husband steady me with his big strong arms to help me sit on the edge of the bed - and then make me wait until he'd unhooked my catheter bag and found a place to hang it on the IV stand. (He never even once batted an eye at holding the bag of pee, or helping position the long tube in bed so that I felt comfortable and wasn't afraid of accidently yanking it out.)  He'd gently hoist me up and help guide me around the floor where my room was. I remember commenting on a facebook post that THAT was true romance!

Home, though not yet healed...

Just wanted to set up a little update for those who have been asking.

I am typing this from my own bed, (which I have definitely not seen enough of this summer), as the hospital did in fact discharge me yesterday. They had been waiting on my white blood cell count to drop to a normal level (below 10,000 - it was almost 22,000 when I was admitted this last time) and my fever to subside for at least 24 hours. I have been able to transition from IV antibiotics to an oral antibiotic, and my surgeon removed the tube that was draining my abdomen.

Still battling the nasty mastitis and exhaustion. I've honestly never felt so utterly worn out in my entire life. I made the difficult decision last night to leave my parents house, and my baby boy, to come back to our own home so that I could be in the best place possible (I hope) to continue resting and recovering. I'm grateful to have had a few hours yesterday to hold and snuggle my little one - and I know that he is in the best place possible with Grandma, Grandpa, and Uncle Brad (who is officially home from college). I did get some sleep last night, though awoke drenched in sweat several times and had to get up and change and get settled again.

Mentally, I've officially hit a breaking point a couple of times these past couple of days - as though all of the stress and realities from this summer and especially my lame health lately has finally caught up and overwhelmed me all at once. Honestly, I think I've rightfully been due for a few great big cry sessions. They can be very therapeutic... :oP

One praise report - got to stop and see some good girlfriends on the way home from the 'rents last night. It was a wonderful time of some much-needed sharing and laughter.

The article about being "blindsided but never betrayed" by God has been a great encouragement to me. I don't know what the future holds - and when will I be able to begin work? Ah! School starts in a week - and just trying to get by one moment at a time. There have been plenty of moments to still find laughter, even at the peak of misery; and I pray that I won't loose that.

For now I must choose to ignore the many tasks of cleaning, organizing, etc that I see around me and focus on continuing to heal and recover. I know that so many of my awesome friends and family are waiting to know how they can help. What a humbling summer it has been to learn how to continually receive it! Hoping to get some food in me this morning, and get some serious sleep in, then look at the next decisions.

Hugs.

When it rains...

It freakin downpours!

(Fyi typing this on my phone after gettin a shot of morphine so forgive my errors)

Warning! This post contains the details of my medical issues. Read at own risk. ;0)

Havent been feeling great for a few days. On wed i made it to my doctor. Diagnosed with possible bladder infection (white blood cells in urine), on type of some bug (had flu like symptoms), and was having painful gas cramps. Important note, she listened to my bowels and said they had good movement sounds. Got put on 3 day antibiotic. 

That night however was awful. I had the most painful and constant stomach and bowel cramps id ever experienced! Barely got any rest. During the long night hours i realize now that things were still moving through, due to change of pain location and three bowel movements, and a few farts. By about 5 however the "air bubble" seemed to have stopped in my lower abdomen. 

At one point around 7 Stephen came upstairs. I had been trying to eat a little, and at that point was laying on the floor in a fetal Position. I told him that i needed to get help because i couldnt keep it up with no relief.

We dropped off the little one at Grandmas and went to urgent  care at Pomerado. It was almost two hours bedore a doc officially came to see me. After a bunch of questions he was very concerned and convinced i had peritonitis, an inflammation of the abdominal wall, and kept using the word "worrisome". (I ended up googling the condition and apparently it can be life threatening!)

He sent me to be admitted to the ER for a cat scan. Got checked in there and the doc didnt think it was peritonitis. She started a round of tests. Ultrasounds didnt show much. Cat scan showed appendix was inflammed, and pelvic exam possible infection. 

Came down to appendix and some sort of abcess. But peeps werent sure which came first and if it was an ob issue or a surgical one. (Remove appendix, or treat abcess and appendix would clear up. ) 

Awesomely the ob she was consulting with ended up being Dr. Maresh who was my baby doctor! So he came down to check me out. He is so great, and compassionate. The surgeon arrived around the same time. Maresh determined that it wasnt related to the tearing from delivery. 

So the surgeon did a quick assessment (including classic rebound test for appendicitis) after reviewing all the folms and test results and sat down and told me i did need surgery. 

When all was said and done it was dicovered that my appendix was adhered to my rectum, and had perforated and was leaking bad stuff that had caused the abcess and infection which had in fact turned into the dreaded peritonitis! My bowels had then shut down, and looks like things could have gotten seriously dangerous if i hadnt gotten to the hospital. 

God is good. He got me here where i needed to be. Our sugeon ended up being a fellow Christian who knew just how to connect with me and the hubby and minister to us when we were realizing the urgency of the situation. He even took the time to stop and pray with us and remind me that even though id met the sugeon, i already knew the Great Healer and i was going to be okay. 

I got into the surgey quickly once the official diagnosis was decided, and was in recovery around midnight. Dozed on and off throughout the rest of the night. 

Update from the sugeon this morning was that things are looking good. Important now is getting my bowels back to functioning, which will take 3 - 5 days. It is imperative that i dont eat or drink until then. (I am hooked up with a bag of fluid and something that keeps me from feeling totally starved. ) once that magic step happens i can start on fluids and go home with many limitations to continue recovery. 

The pic i posted with this blog shows me with my "lollipop sponge" which i am allowed to dip in water to wet my dry mouth and throat. Yum. 

I do have moments when i break down missing my baby boy (no way he is coming back to a hospital), but i am so blessed that he is doing fine and happy at grandma and grandpas, and others have offered to be backup to babysit if needed. (Gma and Gpa are truly enjoying this special time with him. It also allows the hubby the opportunity to get rest, spend nights with me, and go by there to visit and cuddle him. )

Thank you to all who havent even hesitated to offer help! Even though my diet will be lame and limited for some time when im home i am sure that i will take up your offers in the form of keeping my hubby fed and grabbing groceries or coming by for a visit to break up the day. :0)

Until then... I am in a lot of pain, uncomfortable, sad at times, but it is MANAGEABLE and i know that "this too shall pass" as i feel His strength and support along with all of you my loved and awesome family and friends. :0)

What just happened?!

Here's to "mommy intuition"....

Nearing the end of our first week home the little guy had developed a sort of rash that we'd just written off as baby acne. (First time parents - didn't know that around the eye isn't a normal location, or that he was too young to develop that yet.) But by Saturday it had developed into something that did NOT look right - and I knew that we needed to get him to a doctor ASAP.

I packed a bag for a trip to Urgent Care, thinking that we'd be gone at most a few hours. Little did I know...

After the doctor took an initial look at it, things escalated rapidly!

• It's just a staff infection. We'd get some antibiotics and follow through with pediatrician on Monday.
• Doctor comes back with another doctor - turns out that it doesn't look good and they are worried about the location. If it is herpes that could be potentially extremely serious due to the blood-brain barrier. (?!?)
• We should go talk to a pediatrician down at Children's to be safe. The doc will call ahead to let them know we are on our way.
• Suddenly, we are to report straight to the NICU and a doctor is waiting for us. They'll look at it and decide if he should be admitted...
• We get to the NICU, a doctor meets us outside the entrance - takes one look and pulls out a cell phone to ask someone about a room. (?!?)
• The doctor starts asking me if I am breastfeeding and if I need anything - though I am extremely confused because we'd just fed him and I had a formula with me so why would I need anything more?
• We are ushered to another building and into a room, where they promptly wheel a tiny little hospital crib and a nurse is talking about hooking him up for vitals and taking blood!

STOP!!!!

At this point, we stop the nurse and flat out ask her what on earth is going on. Apparently, we were being admitted (I guess we missed that memo!) and should expect to be there for the night. 

I promptly LOST it. This had quickly become the worst day of my life - and I couldn't even bear to see my tiny little baby boy being placed in a hospital crib with machines and wires everywhere. Of course, he started crying and I felt like I couldn't even breathe or function. Thank the Lord for Stephen - and his amazing strength! He immediately took over comforting him and I dashed outside the room onto a little patio to call my parents. 

The rest of the evening was a blur - Stephen ordering me back outside while 6 different people attempted to place an IV and draw blood for tests. They ended up having to take him to an anethesiologist in the end (not to knock him out, thank goodness!) to get the IV in, and Stephen had to help hold him down while he struggled and cried. My parents arrived as backup and brought us clothes (I'd never even unpacked from the hospital when I delivered); and my mom stood by my side as a nurse took my baby and walked down a hall to a procedure room where they would take a sample of fluid from his spine to test for the dreaded HSV (herpes). It took all my strength not to run after her and claw her eyes out and grab him back.

Eventually we got him nestled into the crib, and I was calmed down. The room is only set up for one parent to sleep - so I took the awful fold-out chair/bed and Stephen took a pillow and blanket to camp out in the waiting room down the hall. 

To make the rest of a long story short, we went from one night to 48 hours so that a test could come in... and eventually capped off at 5 nights. Many times Stephen and I would look at each other and ask "How did we get here?"; as it all happened so fast and we were in shock. We settled into an uncomfortable sort of (miserable) routine - finding small ways to break up the monotony (even get off-campus a couple of times), while we waited mostly in the dark and in confusion for results of tests and cultures that would eventually confirm that it wasn't herpes. Only by the prayers, support, and encouragement of family and friends did we survive and not kill each other in the process!

A head doctor finally discharged us late Thursday morning - after a serious "if you see anything at all that doesn't look good or seem right then you are to come back" talk, and a perscription for antibiotics with follow-up appointments scheduled. Getting in that car and driving away was the most wonderful moment!

We are back home now, and in many ways it feels like starting from scratch - along with the added exhaustion of the unexpected prolonged hospital experience. The poor little guy is struggling though some tummy issues due to the meds as well. But even so - we are gladly willing to survive and figure this all out in the comfort of our HOME, and doing it as a FAMILY. (Forgive us if we remain MIA for a while!) 

I didn't mention it in this post, but I hope to write again soon about the most AMAZING and AWESOME moments and "coincidences" that occurred in our 5 days - proof that even though God didn't prevent this trial, He was THERE through it all and made His presence known in undeniable ways!